NEW ADDITION TO CHEMISTRY'S PERIODIC TABLE

You've probably seen this before..

A new addition to Chemistry's Periodic Table

Research has led to the discovery of the heaviest
element yet known to science. The new element,
Governmentium* (Gv), has one neutron, 25 assistant
neutrons, 88 deputy neutrons, and 198 assistant deputy
neutrons, giving it an atomic mass of 312.

These 312 particles are held together by forces
called morons, which are surrounded by vast quantities
of lepton-like particles called peons. Since
Governmentium has no electrons, it is inert; however,
it can be detected, because it impedes every action
with which it comes into contact.

A minute amount of Governmentium can cause a reaction
that would normally take less than a second to take
from four days to four years to complete.

Governmentium has a normal half-life of 2-6 years;
it does not decay, but instead undergoes a
reorganization in which a portion of the assistant
neutrons and deputy neutrons exchange places.

In fact, Governmentium's mass will actually increase
over time, since each reorganization will cause more
morons to become neutrons, forming isodopes. This
characteristic of moron promotion leads some
scientists to believe that Governmentium is formed
whenever morons reach a critical concentration. This
hypothetical quantity is referred to as critical
morass. When catalyzed with money, Governmentium
becomes Administratium, an element that radiates just
as much energy as Governmentium since it has half as
many peons but twice as many morons.

* also known as Impenite