YESTERDAY, I CRIED by Iyanla Vanzant

YESTERDAY, I CRIED.

I CAME HOME, WENT STRAIGHT TO MY ROOM, SAT ON THE EDGE OF MY BED,

KICKED OFF MY SHOES, UNHOOKED MY BRA,

AND I HAD MYSELF A GOOD CRY.

I'M TELLING YOU,

I CRIED UNTIL MY NOSE WAS RUNNING ALL OVER MY SILK BLOUSE I

GOT ON SALE.

I CRIED UNTIL MY EARS WERE HOT.

I CRIED UNTIL MY HEAD WAS HURTING SO BAD

THAT I COULD HARDLY SEE THE PILE OF SOILED TISSUES LYING ON

THE FLOOR AT MY FEET.

I WANT YOU TO UNDERSTAND,

I HAD MYSELF A REALLY GOOD CRY YESTERDAY,

YESTERDAY, I CRIED,

FOR ALL THE DAYS THAT I WAS TOO BUSY, OR TOO TIRED, OR TOO MAD

TO CRY.

I CRIED FOR ALL THE DAYS, AND ALL THE WAYS,

AND ALL THE TIMES I HAD DISHONORED, DISRESPECTED, AND DISCONNECTED

MY SELF FROM MYSELF,

ONLY TO HAVE IT REFLECTED BACK TO ME IN THE WAYS OTHERS

DID TO ME

THE SAME THINGS I HAD ALREADY DONE TO MYSELF.

I CRIED FOR ALL THE THINGS I HAD GIVEN, ONLY TO HAVE THEM STOLEN;

FOR ALL THE THINGS I HAD ASKED FOR THAT HAD YET TO SHOW UP;

FOR ALL THE THINGS I HAD ACCOMPLISHED, ONLY GO GIVE THEM

AWAY, TO PEOPLE IN CIRCUMSTANCES,

WHICH LEFT ME FEELING EMPTY, AND BATTERED AND PLAIN

OLD USED.

I CRIED BECAUSE THERE REALLY DOES COME A TIME WHEN THE ONLY THING LEFT

FOR YOU TO DO IS CRY.

YESTERDAY, I CRIED.

I CRIED BECAUSE LITTLE BOYS GET LEFT BY THEIR DADDIES;

AND LITTLE GIRLS GET FORGOTTEN BY THEIR MOMMIES;

AND DADDIES DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO, SO THEY LEAVE;

AND MOMMIES GET LEFT, SO THEY GET MAD.

I CRIED BECAUSE I HAD A LITTLE BOY, AND BECAUSE I WAS A LITTLE GIRL, AND

BECAUSE I WAS A MOMMY WHO DIDN'T KNOW WHAT TO DO, AND

BECAUSE I WANTED MY DADDY TO BE THERE FOR ME SO BADLY UNTIL

I ACHED.

YESTERDAY, I CRIED.

I CRIED BECAUSE I HURT.

I CRIED BECAUSE HURT HAS NO PLACE TO GO

EXCEPT DEEPER INTO THE PAIN THAT CAUSED IT IN THE FIRST PLACE,

AND WHEN IT GETS THERE, THE HURT WAKES YOU UP.

I CRIED BECAUSE IT WAS TOO LATE, I CRIED BECAUSE IT WAS TIME,

I CRIED BECAUSE MY SOUL KNEW THAT I DIDN'T KNOW

THAT MY SOUL KNEW EVERYTHING I NEEDED TO KNOW.

I CRIED A SOULFUL CRY YESTERDAY, AND IT FELT SO GOOD.

IT FELT SO VERY, VERY BAD.

IN THE MIDST OF MY CRYING, I FELT MY FREEDOM COMING,

BECAUSE

YESTERDAY, I CRIED

WITH AN AGENDA.

- Iyanla Vanzant